One of Us Has Lost a Friend

On 03/28/12 1:33 PM
--------------------
I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.
Hi Rick, I was just thinking of you today as I was in Mountain

View for an appointment.

Then I saw your name pop up on LinkedIn.

I hope all is well with you.

20 thousand leagues *under* the sea

.
sweet gravitas lorraine
awake from only the pain
she got from the fire within
a beauty deep as her skin

not even heaven will take her now .. none of her bibles will say how .. swimming with strangers in waves .. only in drowning can she be saved

when its too late to be on time .. there's a jail which needs not a crime .. all you need is a heart and a soul .. give up one let the other control

in a life that she gave to no one .. with skin never fed by the sun .. she changed her hair to hide the gray .. and colored it so it would go away

now that she has a better life .. she's forgotten all about the knife .. she used to enjoy when she'd twist .. never dancing with those that she's kissed

a black widow bite with a sting .. boxing in lower class rings .. to make her feel better inside .. sucks the courage from those with no pride

trading white lines for blue pills .. to go back and live in the hills .. shelooks before she makes me leap .. for the kind of beauty that runs skin deep
.

You're Not a Junkie

in a flatbed world you want a cadillac

you know you have my heart but you won't give it back

before you know for sure that you'll never be alone

you only let me see you when we're talking on the phone

everyone who knows you says i should be moving on

they see you won't dance with me when they play slow songs

the only fruit you give me are the ones that have turned black

you know you have my heart but you won't give it back

you know we won't be happy until you find someone new

you say you've never lied but nothing you tell me is true

you call me every other day to tell me you can't talk

i found you crawling so i took the time to help you walk

you went shopping for new friends who said to change your hair

now you only call me when you know that they aren't there

i put notes to cheer you up at noon in your lunch sack

did you hide them with the heart that you won't give back

100 Weeks of the Best Years

when you were the best friend i never really had

the sound of your smile told me if you were feeling sad

i could hear your heart before your head could say a word

but when you laugh today you make a sound i've never heard

i found you by the road that led from those you really love

they went to the ball and left you dressed in gown and globe

it's when you began to hide your eyes so no one else could see

the woman you were then just lost the girl you used to be

i gave what you wanted so you could steal what you need

with words you stabbed me leaving wounds that wouldn't bleed

you held me under water so no one could see you wet

i helped you get back the things your friends made you forget

i told you that you were not what you thought you'd become

i told you all the part of you that add up to your sum

i held in your hand all my wishes for your dreams to live

all i had was me to you i pledged to give

when you wished - for years - i saw you only with my ears

i had to learn to live in front of all my coming fears

for hours every other day braved the coming blow

i agreed to all the pain i knew i'd soon come to know

i tried my best to get us used to what would soon be

when someone you really love would set us both free

i asked your forgiveness i asked you to understand

i asked you to give back what you had clutched in your hand

and then one day the voice i knew you by had gone away

you'd call me just to say you'd no time for me that day

your words became sharper but it wasn't the words you'd say

it was the voice that told me my best friend had gone away

you told me nothing of you your voice told me much less

the more i tried to clean up the more i made a mess

i called only when allowed and they way you made me learn

the only light you gave me was just to see me burn

only did you tell me that which stabbed at my stolen heart

it took you years to make sure that you'd found a brand new start

you won't help me with my loneliness you won't stop the pain

you call just to insult me and re-open wounds again

i tried my best to be polite & to say something nice

but all these empty words still come with a heavy price

for years had passed after you knew for sure

that you were safe from loneliness and still would not share the cure

i learned to ignore your jokes and accept your tone

when i realized i gained nothing by us talking on the phone

the purpose that i'd served for a decade had no worth

in 2009 i'd i felt come to a re-birth

no longer do i have to be the butt of your jokes

maybe i could start hanging round normal folks

without the face or voice of one who's best friend was a lie

i was learning how to live again instead of just giving a try

100 weeks passed since i heard the voice of my best friend

i was sure i'd never hear that girl's voice again

for the past two years when you called i heard a different voice

what and when we spoke of never did i have a choice

for a hundred weeks you'd call or write only when you knew

no one you really loved could know i was talking to you

in all that time you'd not told me one thing you hear or see

you used a voice i didn't know just to talk down to me

for 100 weeks you spoke to me only for you

in all that time you'd not shared one thing that you do

it took about 100 weeks to get all of me back again

when one day i heard the voice of who i thought was my best friend

with her voice you told me you'd be needing me no more

it took 100 weeks to say what your voice told me two years before

you still have yet the grace to either help me or let go

so when you said thanks you told me all i'll need to know

now that you are certain that you'll never be alone

you've no reason to see if i'm dead or if i've grown

when you told me thanks for when i was there for you

you killed the last good thing that i thought was still true

Tired

.

i wrote this today. - ed.

have you ever lost your best friend

who still reminds you she's still there

i take refuge in the dark with no one

only in love and war everything is fair

if you still feel entitled

if you feel i still owe

it's because i have no credit

and nothing left to show

the soul i had to show you

was in dire need of hope

the only tree you offered

came with a brand new rope

only if i wore the noose

for years you spent the night

still i told you all the things

that gave me joy and fright

all that i believed in

all the ills in need of cure

everything i thought i knew

all that i believed was sure

you said don't get my hopes up

even though it's all i had

all i had i gave to you

so you'd not be so sad

and when you had enough

to make yourself brand new

still i gave you all of me

years after you knew

i'm tired of this ...

>> jingle was so happy ..

<< that's because he's not used to heartache

.

Jul 17 (6 days ago)

Hello - yes, I am well and I am glad to hear you are also. I had a dream about you the other night...you were skinny! I remember it was great to see you and you had a big smile on your face. It was a good dream.

Congrats Grandpa! You are spreading your seed far and wide with many grandbabies!

Tell her I think she will make an awesome mother and I am happy for her.

Does this mean that you are a permanent employee? You are being cryptic again. If so, congratulations are in order again! You have much to celebrate.

Have a wonderful weekend and it is good to hear from you and to know you are doing so well.

Only In Dreams

I used to believe you thought I was ...

>> ... you were skinny!

... fat and that I was some ...

>> ... You are spreading your seed far and wide ...

... sub-class indiscriminant who's beneath you and ...

>> ... You are being cryptic again ...

... incapable of human and technical communication, unitl I told you I got my first tech writing job, to which you replied:

Don't Blow This One, Too!

When the woman I loved spoke so poorly of me, I found that I was being forced to live without the girl that used to be my best friend. I had to become successful all on my own.

>> ... you have much to celebrate ...

I had to learn how to focus on winning, even while you saw fit to distract me with calls to remind me of what a loser I used to be. I had to learn how to live without talking to the best friend of my whole life.

It hadn't occured to me to celebrate, because ...

>> ...you had a big smile on your face.

... in my dreams, when you smile, you are smiling for someone else; because of someone else.

>> ... to know you are doing so well.

You have called me just to tell me that you have no time to call me. You laughed at me when I asked you to help me with my loneliness. You still insist on reminding me just how little you think of me.

You took from me my only friend and left me nothing but a part-time you.

Your voice and manner have changed in the last thirty months. For twice that much time had I decided to try my best to look past the rind of you because of how sweet I thought you were inside.

There is no reason for me to do this anymore.