NO THANKS NEEDED

9:33 PM 5/20/2009 

On a Cinco de Mayo morning, for the first time in thirty months, I spoke to the woman that was the best friend I ever had.

I am confident that you are who I spoke to that Tuesday morning. I believe that the few times I reached you when I've called you in the past two-plus years may not have been, for you, the best time to talk to me. I can only assume that everytime I call you now I get no answer because it may very well be that no more will there ever be, from now on, a good time or any time at all for you to talk to me.

But I didn't bring any of that up. I didn't get emotional, weepy or sad, hurt, nor over-joyed or suspicious, yet I recognized immediately, unmistakeably, the voice and words I had become accustomed to in the first half of this decade. 

And sure enough, sandwiched between a pair of pleasantries, you "thanked" me, in her voice.

Friends thank friends for being or doing so when they're about to die or kill the other. A friend need not express gratitude for that which no one, including the recipient, could deny or repress. 

One might say thanks to another if the other spent an inordinate, unnecessary amount of time on the former. One could just as easily say "I'm sorry" instead of "thanks" instead. Because a real friend would know the other isn't, and still it would not matter.

To say "thanks" for being there to someone who really loves you is like telling that person to breathe. Because you know you'd stop if she asked you to. And you know she would if she felt she was entitled to or deserved it.

But that's for other people, not us, right? 

We'll know each other on some level that's pretty much unknown to me. I'll have to keep on playing phone tag with myself and continue to volunteer unwanted, unnecessary updates on a life that has been cleanly, quickly removed from yours.

B. F. N.

Friends say "thank you for being a friend" when one or both of them ____ .

A. is about to die.
B. has just enlisted in the Army
C. has been sentenced to serve time in jail.
D. is sleeping with the other's spouse or significant other.
E. getting ready to never speak or see each other again forever.
F. is joking
G. None of the above.

If you said "g" you'd be right, for real friends don't say "thank you" unless they're about to say goodbye forever.

So unless you're getting ready to give me my heart back because you know you're done tossing the rest of me out of your new, better life, I'll just keep making more calls that go unanswered and keep you posted on my progress whenever your unforgiving schedule allows you to do so.

Because that's what friends are for.

DEFINE FRIEND

A person other than a family member, spouse or lover whose company one enjoys and towards whom one feels affection.


A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.


A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts..

You are welcome to call anytime.

I am, thankfully, past the intern stage of my writing career. I am allowed the flexibility to handle personal matters and phone calls during the week. Getting phone calls while I'm doing projects I own are far less traumatic emotionally and professionally than finishing the projects of others, as was the case when I was an intern.

In contrast, I am of the opinion that, today, you aren't as available for such calls as I. While I may not call often, my calls are often unanswered. And because I am calling for little more than to "catch up" there's no reason to ask why that is. I much prefer leaving a message that may or may not get a reply than to force us into a conversation that really isn't one.

So, bottom line is nothing has changed. Call when you wish, answer when you can.

Thank You

6:58 PM 5/10/2009

"Thank you for being there ..."

A few years ago, I tried getting us both used to the inevitable change in our lives I knew was soon to come. It came unannounced but I knew the moment it arrived. Without a word, the only unmistakeable sign that the movie I didn't want to see was released was the change in your voice.

Over time, the less you told me, the more your tone, tempo and manner tried to say in it's place. I did not realize our exchange or dialog had become a polite or topical one and succeeded only in making any attempt we both made at conversation an awkward and counter-productive experience.

I took the change in your voice and manner too personally.

Fast forward to Present Day: I spoke to you five days ago. I sincerely appreciate what you said and will remember it always. But as much as I appreciated what you said, I can also clearly recall recognizing the tone and manner of your voice.

For the first time in two years, I spoke to the best friend I have ever had in my life. And for that I can honestly say: Thank you.